Transition and Responsibility at 4
You know the trepidation, the butterflies, the excitement and apprehension you feel prior to something BIG? Like the first day of a new job, or before leaving for a trip you really wanted to take, or perhaps before meeting someone new.
Imagine experiencing all that and not really knowing what all those internal sensations are…and you have yet to negotiate your way through the very thing that has brought up those feelings.
Welcome to Junior Kindergarten.
It’s one thing to have life’s experience behind us in large quantity so that we know those feelings are natural and they can be summed up with big words like NERVOUS or EXCITED or ANXIOUS - but to have it all going on and not really know what is going on all at the same time? WHEW! And what if you didn’t know that those feelings would lessen and there were actually things you could do to shift them - SCARY!
So my delightfully curious and generally easy going 4 year old started full time days in JK this month and there were some definite signs of NERVOUS or EXCITED or ANXIOUS - but those are all My big words. To her it was more like ‘Mommy, I want Yoouuu, I don’t want you to goooo’ with a clutching grip on my leg (or my neck as I bent down to give one last hug that was meant to make it all better) Not to mention the tears. Oh the tears….sometime I think they are brewed right in my own heart and have to rip through me before they spill from her eyes.
And yes, I’ve been here before - this transition period of old to new, relaxed to structure, mommy & daddy to teacher & friends….my 9 year old went through it too. This time though, we were faced with a new treat - what some may term as a bit of a regression, back to night time waking 2-3 times a night and bed wetting. For a week straight.
One blessing was that it was beautiful weather and the laundry could hang out to dry every day keeping the hydro bill within check. Another was that I have more tools within my reach for working with how people process and develop patterns of behaviour. Its amazing what can happen when we switch from a towards to an away from pattern - or an internal to an external mode. After this week long trend, I decided that sleeping through the night is something I value greatly these days and my daughter would likely benefit from a more sound rest time too.
However, this JK thing is not about to go away - she knows it, and I know it. There are all kinds of messages going into that little brain of hers from, “What a big girl you are now” to “Oh, you are doing such a great job of getting ready all by yourself”. All subtle ways of encouraging responsibility and ownership I suppose. And yes, our kids do grow up and yes, responsibility and ownership ARE important traits. But I also wonder if at 4 years old there is a limit to what that little soul needs to consciously consider about grown up words and traits so I took a slightly different approach and took the weight OFF her little shoulders when it came to peeing the bed and soothing herself back to sleep.
I decided that instead of adding to her internal to-do list in this time of great change, we would call in the support of a lovely pink fuzzy dinosaur called Sparkle Dino. I asked my daughter to find Sparkle Dino in her toy box one night because I wanted to talk to him for a few minutes. While Sparkle Dino and I had an animated conversation in the corner of the room, my 4 year old peered at me with curiosity. Despite her requests to know what we were talking about, I kept it to us, like a football player that has just come from a team huddle.
After our bedtime stories, she again asked what we had talked about. I told her “I asked Sparkle Dino for some help and he said SURE! I asked him if he would please wake you up Before you have to pee in the night so that you can get to the bathroom in time. Sparkle Dino knows how nice it is to wake up with warm dry jammies and sheets in your bed, and so he knows how important it is to wake up in time and he wants to help you.” Well. Her eyes lit up and she took a big breath in. She gave him a big hug and told me with a grin “That’s a good idea”
Our first night was interesting. She still woke up and came into my room 4 times to be put back to bed - but the sheets were dry the next day.
So the next night we called in another helper. This time, Spot the Frog had the job to remind precious daughter that she could stay in her own bed, cuddle him and go back to sleep if she woke up in the night. She didn’t have to worry about remembering that because Spot would remember it for her. So we had a team effort going on now - both Sparkle Dino and Spot the Frog have remained on duty for the past 5 nights….and we are back to dry sheets and sleeping through.
And perhaps it’s a side effect, perhaps it’s unrelated and just a part of the natural timeline of transition, but there have been no more tears at the school drop off ever since.
