Could it be that your resentment is about fearing your own greatness?
It is amazing how our old beliefs can sneak up when we least expect it - or present themselves in a tricky veil of projection on & towards other people.
Have you ever found yourself spitting mad at someone for something that seems (even to you!) logically ridiculous? Perhaps someone has asked your opinion or requested your help and for whatever reason you find that their very presence is irritating and intrusive and you just want them to GO AWAY!
Mom’s sometimes tell me about feeling this way when their children are demanding of their time or even sweetly asking for attention. It’s almost like a swell of resentment builds up and is threatening a release "if they ask me one more time", or ""if I don’t get a moment’s peace"… the potential ‘then what’ might sound like "I’m gonna SNAP".
The interesting point is that oftentimes we can, in fact, take responsibility for how our time is spent and we can balance demands in a way that is satisfying - and yet somehow we get in our own way and feel resentful towards our partner or our kids for demanding so much. Now granted there are an assortment of beliefs that COULD be possible support structures here -
- I’m not important,
- I’m not good enough,
- There is never enough for me,
- I’m the only one who knows how to fix this etc.
And we could address some of those beliefs here as well. What I want to explore for the time being though, is how the anger, blame and frustration are more familiar and present than the peace and joy that we think we seek. Reverting to the anger, blame and frustration seems to happen almost automatically, and there it stays…..and perhaps there is an added pile of guilt or shame tossed in afterward just like icing on the cake.
In exploring this resentment through a process with someone recently, I was curious if the resentment was a cover for another feeling or emotion (as is so often the case). I couldn’t help but wonder if, in moving through the resentment (as opposed to the usual staying in it, letting it simmer out and await the next trigger or flare up) we would discover another feeling or emotion that in some way supported the resentment as if it was a mask hiding something else.
This is an interesting process that is quite quick in relation to others - and it can offer a lot of new information when clients are seemingly stuck. What we discovered in a short amount of time was that in fact there was a level of fear initially, and then a sense of awe and curiosity - mixed with overwhelm. And, in moving through the surface ‘reaction’ we shifted into some of the feelings that were possibly more connected to where this person really ‘felt’ limited.
You see, in this new feeling, the person had no limits. Their experience of it was that they could explore anywhere they wanted to and do anything they chose….and the CHOICES seemed limitless and there was no need to compare themselves with anyone else. In fact, the fear was that they might burst out uncontrollably by accepting this limitless way of being. Greatness? Perhaps…
Enter in my own curiosity and interpretations - by no means have I confirmed the following ideas to be true or not with this particular person.
Sometimes people have lived their life knowing their place in the world because they measured themselves against someone else. In always ‘knowing’ that they were ‘less than’ or ‘better than’ they knew how they fit in and what their potential was supposed to be. i.e. If I unconsciously measure myself against a sibling that I felt ‘less than’, I will unconsciously make sure that I never get ‘better than’ - even if the world presents the opportunity. If my greatness were allowed to shine through it would be terrible and we can’t have that! So I may be resentful of you for making demands on the greatness that I’m not ’supposed’ to be, and I may also be resentful for having to stifle my greatness because really - Who wouldn’t want to be great? Follow me here?
Logically we can assess this and see that the beliefs create grief and by removing the limitations and shifting the beliefs we make room for the peace (and the potential greatness!) But when we live out these patterns without awareness we end up in the same old (resentful behaviour?) ruts. So how do you want to live your life?
