You cannot WILL yourself to forget
Can you really will yourself to feel differently? Takes an awful lot of effort for pretty dismal results if any at all. Sometimes it can take a lifetime to ‘try’ and forget something.
Give this a shot.
MAKE yourself have a crush on someone – go on, FORCE yourself to have all those sweet, loving, warm bits of excitement and longing for someone you didn’t previously have them for. Right now - go ahead, do it! Tough eh? We can’t just turn them on and decide to have the feelings that represent a full on crush.
Yet in many cases, we are told by society that we have to change our feelings.
- Difficult emotions and thoughts should not exist
- If they do they should be controlled
- We can make our feelings positive
- Having positive feelings can stop bad things from happening.
We all find ourselves in uncomfortable and difficult situations that can lead to pain or troublesome emotions.
The problem is, we can’t just get rid of the bad feelings because we haven’t all learned the skills or the characteristics of change…yet.
Those who have experienced more severe forms of pain & trauma are in a real double bind.
Often there are strict instructions:
Not to have it
No talking about it
No showing it
Don’t even think about it
Don’t air your dirty laundry,
Just don’t.
Complete Avoidance.
Problem is, we do not have control inside the skin where the emotions and feelings are, that we perceive we have on the outside.
Try and control yourself – sounds like a great idea and lots of people may have told you in your lifetime to "Stop being so miserable and get over it" – or "Quit your crying or I’ll give you something to cry about."
We can manipulate the external to appease the demand - but the pain still exists inside the skin. Therefore attempts at controlling enduring or deep pain often cause it to turn into suffering.
The EFFORTS to ‘try not to have the feelings, memories or thoughts’ associated with life experiences that might have hurt us or been tough, are the basis of the suffering.
