Posts Tagged ‘goals’

Reaching for your Goals

Sunday, May 8th, 2011 by admin

A while ago I took a group through an experiential exercise designed to explore the non-verbal, physiological correlation to obtaining something they want but don’t yet have.

I have since done a scaled down version with several other groups and find the resulting comments, realizations and facial expressions interesting.

My instructions to the groups are purposely vague and simple; and were inspired by my favourite trainer Andrew Austin of the UK.

Stand up and think about the thing you want to do or achieve - often described as your ‘Why’.  As you think about this desired goal, reach for it.  Actually demonstrate how you reach for your goals .

The first thing noticed is that some people instantly put their hands in the air and reach up and in front of themselves, sometimes a little to the right, or a little to the left, and often taking a step forward in the process.  Some had their arms open wide and others took one hand and scooped the air straight in front.

The majority though stood still, puzzled looks on their faces and looked around to see what others were doing.  Another handful appeared annoyed and folded their arms across their chests.

I then asked the entire group to pay attention to what was going on for them at that moment.

  • Did they trust themselves to know what to do and risk trying?
  • Did they wonder if they were ‘doing it right’ and wait to see what others did and base their actions on what they saw?
  • Did they make a small attempt and then drop their hands and give up?
  • Did they have an internal dialogue going on that said something like "This is stupid, I don’t even know what she’s talking about" or "I never get these kinds of exercises".

I then asked them to consider whether this was a familiar pattern or response in their lives - trust and do, wait and watch, shut down and judge, confuse and procrastinate, and a myriad of other reactions and combinations.

They were remarkably surprised when most of them answered "Yes, this is familiar, this is how I …" or, "this is what happens when I …".

How we do one thing is usually how we do everything.  And if you aren’t getting the results you want, it might be time to consider the REAL reason why not.  Need help shifting? It’s not as hard as one would guess.

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What is a Change Strategist Anyway?

Monday, June 7th, 2010 by admin

The Change Strategist…?  What do you do?

In fact, that is precisely the question I was hoping for as I established ‘The Change Strategist’ as my occupational title when I founded Drop in the Pond.

One of the greatest differences between my approach and what some people may have experienced in the past with a therapeutic process or coaching, is that first and foremost I don’t believe that change always has to take a long time, or that it always has to be difficult and painful .

If you know me, or if you have heard me speak, you may have heard me say that my absolute favourite thing to do is to help people slow down just long enough so that you can discover where you are unfulfilled or where you may be settling in your life.  And then what I do is explore with questions and experiential processes to discover those sought after A-HA moments that begin to reshape your reality.

More specifically what I do is I meet with people one on one, and through conversation we develop some commonalities and understanding about the types of things I am paying attention to. By adding options and perspectives to the way you see and feel things leading up to this moment, you automatically begin to have different reactions and responses from now on. They say knowledge is power ~ wisdom is integrated knowledge that actually changes your world.

When I talk about experiential processes, what I am referring to is that we don’t just think with our brains.

The ‘thinking’ process actually happens in other parts of our bodies - and you know this when you get a ‘gut feeling’ about something or when your chest tightens if you are anxious.

It is why unconscious body language exists! Your body unconsciously contributes to the things you think - and this becomes a part of the programs you run.  Within what you ‘experience’ both in your mind with the thoughts you have and the indicators your body gives you, we find valuable information.

You see, I know that we all have a history - a detailed past that for some is very troubling and even horrific.  Others look back and think that the have coasted along through life without much problem or too many eventful situations.  Either way, we have learned how to do what we are doing (consciously or otherwise) and you may have finally decided that you aren’t happy or that you aren’t quite where you want to be in life and maybe you even have something specific that you want to change or do differently.

My approach is to explore where your barriers are - what fears are holding you back, how do you self-sabotage?  When you find yourself upset and angry, what are the values that you are unconsciously defending and how can you incorporate them to come to a resolution that maintains your own personal strength and integrity?

One of the things that people really appreciate about working with me is that I don’t actually need to hear about the context of what you are going through.  That is to say, I don’t need all the details of your story in order to be effective.  It can be very comforting for a perspective client to know that you and I do not have to dig up all of the past in order for you to move forward today.

The reason for this is that I pay attention to the structure of the ‘issues’ you come into my office with now.  I pay attention to HOW you are doing what you do and to what supports the pattern of behaviour or thinking, in order for it to remain.  When we discover the unconscious or subconscious (however you think about it) programs and patterns that are in play, we can then insert options and other possibilities which impact your results.  And when we make shifts in the structure of the problem, you don’t have to consciously "remember to be different" - you simply operate from a new pattern - a new way of being that supports how you want to live your life.

Oftentimes it is relationship challenges that bring people to my office.  Other times it is a particular problem at work - and a lot of the time there are overlaps.  We notice our limitations and the walls we hit in both personal and professional aspects of our lives.  Here are just a couple that I notice on a daily basis.

In your personal life do you find you are:

  • Concerned about what other people think or say about you?
  • Putting yourself second, third or more commonly, LAST?
  • Unhappy with your physical health and yet not doing anything about it?
  • Judgemental towards others and their choices?
  • Stuck in an unpleasant mood or emotion such as irritation, shame, guilt, grief, jealousy, hurt, or loneliness?
  • Uncomfortable talking to new people or asking for help?
  • Often blaming the situation, other people or your ‘bad luck’ for what goes wrong?
  • Wishing and hoping for things to be different?

In your professional life is it familiar for you to:

  • Be nervous when asked to speak to a group?
  • Procrastinate and put off tasks?
  • Second guess or doubt your decisions and abilities?
  • Hesitate or not ask for assistance because it might not "look good"?
  • Get frustrated and feel dumped on?
  • Feel upset when someone else seems to be on a power trip?
  • Wish you had more confidence and self esteem?
  • Look down on other people and compare yourself?

My philosophy is that as humans, it is our responsibility to seek the help we need when you need it.  Fundamentally, life is meant to be peaceful, enjoyable, rewarding, fun, connected and fulfilling among many other wonderful things.  If yours is not, let me help you discover a map to live your best life NOW.

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It’s the evenings that get me….

Thursday, January 7th, 2010 by admin

"I have no problem during the day, it’s that lull when I get home - before supper, that I cave"

"It’s like an addiction… once I have one bite I just can’t seem to stop"

"I promised myself that THIS YEAR I would stick to it… so far I’ve done ok, but it’s only January 6th"

"I thought I would try and fill my calendar with positive things - I joined the gym (again), I’m trying a yoga class, and I haven’t had a bite of fast food (well unless you count Tim Horton’s cream of broccoli soup) so far this year"

"New Year, fresh start, I’m going for it … and I’m going to go back to weight watchers"

"I’ve tried everything … I’m pretty sure I need to just learn to be happy being big and heavy"

These are all statements I heard just yesterday.  YESTERDAY ALONE.  And I know I will hear more today, and tomorrow.

The puck has dropped.  We are now in the midst of the flurry and scramble of activities to try and make this year the one in which everything comes together. Very soon the mad scramble will lose a little of it’s almost desperate drive, the rhythm will slow down a tempo or two for some, and others will re-position themselves once again as sideline observers because that is what is most familiar.

Many will give up again, citing it’s too hard, Monday is a new day, I’m too tired, the time isn’t right.  There will be another few that actually lift their heads and look up.  They may get a feeling for what is really required  at this stage in order to ensure their plans unfold and results come to be.

It’s facinating really - how this dance occurs.  I say it all the time to people - we stick with or revert back to what we know.  It might not be comfortable or healthy or fun or fulfilling or rewarding to do what we do, we might be downright miserable… and it happens because it is familiar.

But when you learn how to shift the familiar pattern, the implications can be magical.  Imagine if your unconscious patterns simply needed one extra mini step added to dramatically impact your success.  How much longer are you willing to stay in familiar?  What stops YOU from getting what you really want?

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What’s so important about that?

Tuesday, December 1st, 2009 by admin

Are you noticing a conflict within?  Perhaps an internal debate that goes round and round (or for others back and forth).  A little voice that, right in the midst of near decision,  is so quick to blurt out “Yes But…”,  you can hardly recognize where it came from?

For so many of us, THIS is the place of stuckness.  And the fascinating thing about being stuck is that usually, when we take the time to look at it a different way, those options (or not-an-options as some of my clients have referred to them), are pointing us to the thing we are seeking. AND, we can have it NOW.  No need to wait.

HUH? What could she possibly mean by that?

Conflict is often a misalignment of values.  When we roll it down, the underlying core is about a feeling or experience.

When I ask a client “What is important about ________?”   (An unmet goal, a choice, a decision, a limiting behaviour, a thought process)   more times than not, the answer is “It makes me feel ___________.”   (Safe, excited, relaxed, happy, wanted, important, loved, etc. etc.)

Occasionally it takes a couple more questions.  i.e. I had a client tell me that he felt ‘trapped’ and he didn’t have a choice about a relationship issue.  He often kept his thoughts and opinions to himself and was feeling like a doormat.  When I ask what’s important about feeling trapped, I got the response  “It keeps me where I am” -and what’s important about keeping you where you are? “It’s how I feel connected to my kids”. And in feeling connected to your kids, what’s important about that? “I know I am a great dad and I feel confident.”

The great insight in this case was that the client was able to identify his value of maintaining connection with his kids and how confident that connection made him feel.  He was able to confidently :-)  provide a whole list of ways he could connect with his kids AND step out of his own trap by using his voice in the relationship.

In nearly every case, the bottom line is a physiological experience or feeling.

The really amazing thing is that with this information, we can actually CHOOSE to have that feeling or experience AHEAD of time - in fact we can CHOOSE TO FEEL confident, safe, excited, scared, relaxed, happy, wanted, sad, important, loved, etc. etc  NOW, and then go about making the changes we want as they apply to the goal, choice, decision, limiting behaviour, thought process that seemed to be keeping us stuck.

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Set the intent…it is the critical step many of us leave out

Saturday, November 28th, 2009 by admin

Declaring in positive certainty what you intend to do, change, be or want is the step that most of us get wishy-washy about… AND it’s the most important one! We get this confused with the ‘HOW it’s going to happen’ and it throws us off track before we even begin.

Notice how different situations or events have led you to where you are.  We often look back and can see the ‘turning points’ or the ironic occurrences that enabled something else to happen….guess what…your intent - whether you were aware of it or not, conscious or more than likely UNCONSCIOUS,  was the first step to manifest those occurrences.

I thought I’d share this great blog post from Steve… (Even though it is from 2005 it’s relevance is profound)

Cause-Effect vs. Intention-Manifestation

October 17th, 2005 by Steve Pavlina

One of the key models for goal achievement is that of cause and effect. This model says that your goal is an effect to be achieved, and your task is to identify and then create the cause that will produce the desired effect, thereby achieving your goal.

Sounds simple enough, right?

However, the main problem with this model is that nearly everyone seriously misunderstands it. And that misunderstanding comes from not knowing what a “cause” really is.

You might assume that the cause of an effect would be a series of physical and mental actions leading up to that effect. Action-reaction. If your goal is to make dinner, then you might think the cause would be the series of preparation steps.

To an outside observer, that certainly appears to be the case. The scientific method would suggest that this is how things work, based on a purely objective observation.

However, within your own consciousness, you know that the series of action steps is not the real cause. The actions are themselves an effect, aren’t they?

What’s the real cause? The real cause is the decision you made to create that effect in the first place. That’s the moment you said to yourself, “Let it be” or “make it so.” At some point you decided to make dinner. That decision may have been subconscious, but it was still a decision. Without that decision the dinner would never manifest. That decision ultimately caused the whole series of actions and finally the manifestation of your dinner.

Where does that decision arise from? It might arise from your subconscious, or in the case of conscious decisions, it arises from your consciousness. Ultimately your consciousness is the greater power, as it can override subconscious choices once it becomes aware of them.

Missing this very simple distinction has contributed to quite a number of failed goals.

If you want to achieve a goal you’ve set, the most crucial part is to DECIDE to manifest it. It doesn’t matter if you feel it’s outside your control to do so. It doesn’t matter if you can’t yet see how you’ll get from A to B. Most of those resources will come online AFTER you’ve made the decision, not before.

If you don’t understand this simple step, then you will waste a lot of time. Step 1 is to decide. Not to ruminate or to ponder or to ask around and see whether or not you can do it. If you want to start your own business, then decide to make it so. If you want to be married and have a family, then decide to attract a mate. If you want to change careers, then decide to do so.

It blows my mind that people think that something else has to come before the decision. People waste months trying to figure out, “Is this goal possible?” And this makes a lot of sense to do so if you’re at a certain level of consciousness. But all you’re really doing is creating delay, and you’ll simply manifest evidence to suggest that the goal is both possible and not possible. You think doubt in your head, you find doubt in the world.

Time and again I’ve seen evidence that not only people, but the universe itself, can sense a lack of commitment to a goal. Have you ever heard someone tell you about a goal of theirs, and you can just sense how wishy-washy and uncertain they are about it? They say things like, “Well, I’m going to try this and see how it goes. Hopefully it will work out OK.” Is that evidence that a clear decision has been made? Not remotely. Are you going to help this person? Probably not — who wants to waste their time on someone who isn’t committed?

But what happens when you sense total certainty in the other person? Will you help them if they ask for it? You’re far more likely to help a committed person because you can tell they’re eventually going to succeed anyway, and you want to be part of that success. You even feel more energized and motivated yourself to contribute to the success of people who are very clearly committed to a goal that resonates with you and which is genuinely for the greatest good of all.

Don’t you think this process works the same way within your own mind? If your consciousness is divided against itself, do you think it will commit all its internal resources to your goal? Will your subconscious give you all the energy and creativity it possibly could, or will it hold back? Think of your subconscious mind as a multi-tasking computer processor. What percentage of resources will it devote to a task that you’ve told it to execute with the words, “Run this for a little bit and see if it works, but quickly dump it if it seems too difficult”? Now what if you gave that CPU a process labeled, “Run this now”?

The universe itself works on the same principle. Think of it as the superconscious mind. When you’ve made a clear, committed decision, it will open the universal floodgates, bringing you all the resources you need, sometimes in seemingly mysterious or impossible ways.

Whenever you want to set a new goal for yourself, start by setting it. Take the time to become clear about what you want, but then just declare it.

Say to the universe, “Here is the goal. Make it so.”

Do not ask the universe for what you want. Declare it. Don’t ask. This is very similar to prayer, but you are not praying FOR what you want. You are praying WHAT you want. You are simply saying, “Here it is. Make it so.” It is like planting a seed in the ground. You do not say to the ground, “Here is the seed. Please, can you make it grow?” You simply plant the seed, and it will grow as a natural consequence of your planting and tending to it. It is the same with your intentions. Simply plant them. There’s no need to beg.

Intend that your goal manifest in such a manner that is for the greatest good of all. This is very important, as intentions that are created out of fear or a sense of lack will backfire. You may get what you want, but it will yield a bitter aftertaste. Or you may get the exact opposite of what you want. But intentions that are genuinely made for your own good and the greatest good of all will tend to manifest in a positive way.

After I declare my intention, I wait for the resources and synchronicities to arrive. Usually they begin to manifest in 24-48 hours, sometimes sooner. Sometimes these synchronicities appear to be the result of subconscious action. I just happen to notice things that may have been there all along, but now I see them in a new light, and they become resources for me that I never noticed until after I declared my intention. But many times it’s nearly impossible to explain such synchronicities as the result of my own subconscious action, even if I step back and try to look at them purely objectively. Sometimes they come in such unusual avalanches that I can only explain them as the result of superconscious action. On some level the universe itself is aware of my intention and is doing its part to help manifest it. I also find that the more inviting I am of these synchronicities, the more easily they flow. Right now I typically experience about 10 per week on average, and I think that’s because I have many different intentions in the process of manifesting, so there’s a constant flow of resources coming to me.

The mental and physical planning and action steps come later. That’s how I organize the resources that have arrived. Once enough resources have come to me, I can begin to see how they all fit together to achieve the goal. But if the path seems too complicated or difficult and I don’t like what I see, I put out some new intentions to make it the way I want it to be. I declare, “Let it be simpler.” I again wait for the synchronicities to arrive, and a simpler approach becomes clear. Usually for an approach to be simpler, it means I have to get past some personal block within me. I have to grow on some level in order to be able to take advantage of a simpler solution. Or perhaps I have to learn a new skill first. So while it might be simpler, it might also be harder on a personal level. For example, by putting out the intention to do more to help people, I had to develop my communication skills. That makes the goal easier to achieve, but it’s more work up front.

It took me a number of years to be able to trust this approach before I could begin to use it as my default manner of goal achievement. I have to be open to achieving goals in unusual ways sometimes. I get what I intend, but not always what I expect. So when the synchronicities begin dropping me clues, I do not always understand how they’ll be part of the path to the goal. But invariably there’s an intelligence at work, and if I trust it, it will work just fine. Usually it will bring me new information first, so I can raise my own awareness and knowledge to the level required to achieve the goal.

For example, if you declare your goal to become wealthier, within a few days you might see all sorts of synchronicities related to spirituality. They may seem to have nothing to do with wealth whatsoever. So you figure it’s just a coincidence, and the approach isn’t working. But the approach is sound, and it is working. Most likely it’s a signal that the path to wealth first requires you to improve your consciousness. This is especially true if your intention was for the highest good of all. If you become wealthy before your energy and consciousness have reached a certain level, then greater material wealth may only feed your problems — your goal cannot yet manifest for the greatest good of all. But if you first learn to use your energy and consciousness positively, then the greater resources that wealth provides you will be a positive manifestation instead of a negative one.

In truth this is a simple and direct process. But our minds are so cluttered with the flotsam and jetsam of social conditioning that we have a hard time thinking on this level. We get so attached to seeing our goals manifest a certain way because that’s how they manifest in TV shows or in movies. Or maybe that’s how our parents or friends did it. But this attachment to a particular “how” blocks us from allowing our goals to manifest far more easily. If we could loosen up a bit on the “how” and just learn to allow the manifestation to occur in its own perfect way, goal achievement would be far easier.

So often I see people sabotage their own goals because they do not understand the power of intention. Realize that EVERY thought is truly an intention. Every thought. So most people manifest a cluttered mish-mash of conflict in their lives because their thoughts are in conflict. They simultaneously set a goal and then unset it. “I want to start my own business.” “I wonder if it will work.” “I wonder if I’ll succeed.” “Maybe this won’t work.” “Maybe John is right, and this is a mistake.” “No, I’m pretty sure it will work just fine.”

If you are trying to achieve goals on the level of action-reaction, meaning that you’re purely focused on the action steps, while at the higher level of intention-manifestation, you’re putting out conflicting thoughts, then you’re sabotaging yourself. If you go on a diet and exercise like crazy, while all the while thinking, “I’m fat. This is hopeless. This is taking too long,” then your higher level intentions will override your actions, and negative or incongruent results will follow.

If you want to achieve a goal, you must clear out all the “hopefully” and “maybe” and “can’t” nonsense from your consciousness. You cannot allow yourself the luxury of a negative thought, and that is an intention to manifest what you don’t want. This takes practice of course, but it is the essential art of learning to use your consciousness to create what you want. When you are congruent in your thoughts, your goal will manifest with ease. But when you are incongruent in your thoughts, you will manifest conflict and obstacles. As within, so without.

Why is it you’re able to do this? Because you have that power. Not believing in yourself simply means you’re using your own power against yourself. You’re like a god saying, “Let me be powerless,” and you don’t even realize it. If you think/intend weakness, you manifest weakness. If you project your power outside yourself and onto the external world, you lose your power.

You don’t need anyone’s permission to do this. It is a natural human ability. But it takes practice to develop your consciousness to the level where you can apply it and especially to learn to trust it.

What happens if you decide to manifest a really, really big goal, one that seems physically impossible? The process will still work. It’s just that there will be a lot more steps, and you may be led through various synchronicities for years before you’ve reached the point where your ultimate goal can manifest. It might take longer than your human lifetime if the goal is so big. But you will certainly make progress if you use this approach.

So what is your goal? Say it out loud right now, and let it be for the greatest good of all. Then say to the universe, “Make it so.” Wait for the synchronicities and unusual coincidences to arrive. Follow them where they want to lead you, even if it seems strange at first. Allow your goal to manifest.

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