Posts Tagged ‘mindset’
What is a Change Strategist Anyway?
Monday, June 7th, 2010 by adminThe Change Strategist…? What do you do?
In fact, that is precisely the question I was hoping for as I established ‘The Change Strategist’ as my occupational title when I founded Drop in the Pond.
One of the greatest differences between my approach and what some people may have experienced in the past with a therapeutic process or coaching, is that first and foremost I don’t believe that change always has to take a long time, or that it always has to be difficult and painful .
If you know me, or if you have heard me speak, you may have heard me say that my absolute favourite thing to do is to help people slow down just long enough so that you can discover where you are unfulfilled or where you may be settling in your life. And then what I do is explore with questions and experiential processes to discover those sought after A-HA moments that begin to reshape your reality.
More specifically what I do is I meet with people one on one, and through conversation we develop some commonalities and understanding about the types of things I am paying attention to. By adding options and perspectives to the way you see and feel things leading up to this moment, you automatically begin to have different reactions and responses from now on. They say knowledge is power ~ wisdom is integrated knowledge that actually changes your world.
When I talk about experiential processes, what I am referring to is that we don’t just think with our brains.
The ‘thinking’ process actually happens in other parts of our bodies - and you know this when you get a ‘gut feeling’ about something or when your chest tightens if you are anxious.
It is why unconscious body language exists! Your body unconsciously contributes to the things you think - and this becomes a part of the programs you run. Within what you ‘experience’ both in your mind with the thoughts you have and the indicators your body gives you, we find valuable information.
You see, I know that we all have a history - a detailed past that for some is very troubling and even horrific. Others look back and think that the have coasted along through life without much problem or too many eventful situations. Either way, we have learned how to do what we are doing (consciously or otherwise) and you may have finally decided that you aren’t happy or that you aren’t quite where you want to be in life and maybe you even have something specific that you want to change or do differently.
My approach is to explore where your barriers are - what fears are holding you back, how do you self-sabotage? When you find yourself upset and angry, what are the values that you are unconsciously defending and how can you incorporate them to come to a resolution that maintains your own personal strength and integrity?
One of the things that people really appreciate about working with me is that I don’t actually need to hear about the context of what you are going through. That is to say, I don’t need all the details of your story in order to be effective. It can be very comforting for a perspective client to know that you and I do not have to dig up all of the past in order for you to move forward today.
The reason for this is that I pay attention to the structure of the ‘issues’ you come into my office with now. I pay attention to HOW you are doing what you do and to what supports the pattern of behaviour or thinking, in order for it to remain. When we discover the unconscious or subconscious (however you think about it) programs and patterns that are in play, we can then insert options and other possibilities which impact your results. And when we make shifts in the structure of the problem, you don’t have to consciously "remember to be different" - you simply operate from a new pattern - a new way of being that supports how you want to live your life.
Oftentimes it is relationship challenges that bring people to my office. Other times it is a particular problem at work - and a lot of the time there are overlaps. We notice our limitations and the walls we hit in both personal and professional aspects of our lives. Here are just a couple that I notice on a daily basis.
In your personal life do you find you are:
- Concerned about what other people think or say about you?
- Putting yourself second, third or more commonly, LAST?
- Unhappy with your physical health and yet not doing anything about it?
- Judgemental towards others and their choices?
- Stuck in an unpleasant mood or emotion such as irritation, shame, guilt, grief, jealousy, hurt, or loneliness?
- Uncomfortable talking to new people or asking for help?
- Often blaming the situation, other people or your ‘bad luck’ for what goes wrong?
- Wishing and hoping for things to be different?
In your professional life is it familiar for you to:
- Be nervous when asked to speak to a group?
- Procrastinate and put off tasks?
- Second guess or doubt your decisions and abilities?
- Hesitate or not ask for assistance because it might not "look good"?
- Get frustrated and feel dumped on?
- Feel upset when someone else seems to be on a power trip?
- Wish you had more confidence and self esteem?
- Look down on other people and compare yourself?
My philosophy is that as humans, it is our responsibility to seek the help we need when you need it. Fundamentally, life is meant to be peaceful, enjoyable, rewarding, fun, connected and fulfilling among many other wonderful things. If yours is not, let me help you discover a map to live your best life NOW.
The Woman Behind the Counter ~ Reprinted
Friday, February 5th, 2010 by adminThe other day I was in the Phoenix Airport on my way to a meeting in Denver. Unsure of how long it would take to get the car parked, get the luggage checked, get through the security line, and get to our gate, we (my husband Michael and I) ended up at the airport early. Once we parked our belongings at the gate, I did what I always do when I’m early to the airport; I headed toward the News Stand for the sole purpose of staring at the tabloid magazine covers. Yes, I know, it’s a nasty habit, but before you cast your stones, I should tell you I only allow myself to read the COVERS of the magazines. JUST the covers. And even in those few moments I can feel my brain cells rotting and my dislike for humanity mounting.
However, on this particular trip to the News Stand I witnessed something much more fascinating, and disturbing, than any tabloid could offer.
In this particular News Stand there was a friendly looking gentleman. He had a pleasant face that was graced with a cheerful smile. He and I were hovering in the same area; I was looking at the magazines, he was looking at the Snickers bars. Though, "looking" wouldn’t be the right word — "agonizing over" would be a better way of putting it. You see, this friendly-seeming man was about 200 pounds from healthy. As we stood silently by each other, I could hear him as he struggled to breathe, and watch him shift uncomfortably from foot to foot as he worked his way down the candy display.
I watched him out of the corner of my eye as he picked up a regular sized Snickers with his right hand and a KING sized Snickers with his left. He looked at his two options, back and forth, back and forth. He rolled them around in his hands, crinkled their wrappers, contemplating his decision. After at least a minute, he reached to put the regular sized one back … a shame, I thought. He was so close.
But then, like a flash of lightening from above, at the very last moment, he THREW the KING sized Snickers back. It landed atop the gum with a deafening THUD. The man turned and looked at me with regular Snickers in his hand. Gripped it tightly, shrugged, and smiled.
For a moment, I saw a glimpse of pride on his face; the kind of pride that comes from taking control of your life. Granted, it wasn’t the BEST decision, but it WAS a step in the right direction and it was clear he was pleased with himself. I smiled back and nodded; a silent congratulations for a job well done.
He took his regular sized Snickers strutted to the register where a 50ish woman waited. She was friendly in an abrasive sort of way, and as I moved to look at the cover of Men’s Health I heard her say to the man (who was still in the glow of his recent victory):
"Sure you don’t want the KING sized Snickers? Looks awful good…"
The man who had just made a good decision, froze. He stared at the woman behind the counter. In that moment, it was as if the Phoenix Airport stopped…. As he stared at the abrasive woman behind the counter, I stared at him. The woman reached for the KING sized and waved it in front of his face. "Don’t do it. Don’t do it," I willed him. But in the next moment, he nodded, took the KING sized Snickers, paid, and slowly walked away.
I wanted to say something, but it wasn’t my place. As he walked past, he didn’t look my way, instead he looked to the ground and to the KING sized decision he held in his hand.
Now, it would be easy to blame the woman behind the counter for the demise of our Snicker loving friend. She didn’t HAVE to offer him the KING size when he seemed to be perfectly content. However, it is not her fault; she was only doing her job (I swear they get paid on commission — every time I try to buy a magazi… I mean, a pack of gum… they always ask if I would like water or a snack. It can’t JUST be because they’re really concerned for my hydration or hunger). No, the responsibility lies solely in the man who ultimately made the choice.
We relate to this man. Whether you struggle with your weight, or you struggle to make good financial decisions. Maybe you make poor decisions, of any size, in your personal relationships. Whatever your vice may be (and there may be many), we have all been here before; on the brink of a breakthrough, only to fall short with no one to blame but ourselves. Whether you’ve been there once or been there 100 times, there is an important lesson to learn here; one that may not be the most obvious.
Who you are now does not determine who you will be.
I’ll say it again. Who you are now does not determine who you will be.
Sounds nice, right? Easy lesson, nice lesson, hopeful lesson. The catch is this: you have to MAKE it so. The difference between who you are NOW and who you will BE happens because of choice. It doesn’t have to be a heroic choice, it can be small/consistent choices made everyday in the right direction, that make the difference. But they MUST be made and can only be made by you.
How do you do this?
First: start seeing yourself NOW as the person you will BE. If you’re broke, start seeing yourself as un-broke. If you’re alone, see yourself wrapped in the warmth of a healthy relationship. If you’re heavier than you would like to be, see yourself thin.
Second: It is not enough to just SEE yourself there, you must start behaving in a way that mirrors the behaviors of the kind of person you will become. Un-broke people make sound decisions when it comes to finances — do that now. Healthy people find joy in salads and low-fat dressing — you should too.
Third: Stay focused. There is a good chance that others will continue to see you as you are now, and that’s ok. It’s not their fault. They may not be aware that you have made a decision to change; not aware that you are making small consistent decisions toward the person you want to become. They may not SEE those small decisions or REALIZE what they are adding up to. Stay focused on YOU. On YOUR vision for yourself. And don’t be afraid to verbalize your desires to those around you so they can aid in your transformation.
This is where I believe our friend at the candy counter went astray:
Perhaps he was seeing himself not as who he IS, but who he could BE — well, healthy, happy…
I KNOW he was making a small decision in the right direction…
But when he got to the counter, the abrasive woman saw him as he WAS: a man who "must" love KING sizes. And instead of staying focused, instead of standing as a warrior for his future-self, he crumbled with the words "I will always be this" ringing in his defeated ears.
We all relate to this story. We have all been there. I just urge you to not go there again. Fight for you future self, and beware the woman behind the counter.
When all was said and done, I walked out of the News Stand empty-handed and heavy hearted. I took my seat at Gate C27 and waited for our plane to arrive.
(Post Note: Michael ended up sitting next to this man on the plane. When I told Michael this story, looong after the flight, he said, "That makes it worse … he was such a nice guy.")
Kindra Hall
Kindra Hall is a storyteller with 18 years of experience. She shares her stories on stage, in coaching sessions, and on her blog: www.kindrahalltellsall.com . She works with organizations and individuals to discover, craft, and deliver their stories in order to more effectively communicate their mission and values. She has performed on the stage of the National Storytelling Festival in Jonesborough, TN at the Exchange Place.
(copyright 2009 KindraHallTellsAll)